| | Cameron is in the bear pool party section of heaven, floating on a rainbow colored inflatable pool raft, covered in SPF 9999 sunblock, and enjoying the sunshine and camraderie of the other angel bears. | comments: 10 comments or Leave a comment   |
| It works like this:
You reply to this post and I give you a letter of the alphabet. Then you drudge up 10 songs that start with said letter and put them in your journal (with these or similar instructions).
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2) magebear Gave me the letter G
1. Gabriel's Oboe (from the soundtrack to The Mission, Ennio Morricone)
2. Get the Balance Right (Depeche Mode)
3. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! A Man After Midnight (ABBA)
4. Gloria (Laura Brannigan)
5. Go West (Village People)
6. Going Down To Liverpool (The Bangles)
7. Great Balls of Fire (Dolly Parton)
8. Gustavo Santaolalla - The Wings (from the soundtrack to Brokeback Mountain)
9. Guys Like Me (Aimee Mann)
10. Gypsy (Fleetwood Mac) | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| These questions came from airporter.
1. My technical language and yours aren't communicating well. Could you describe your dissertation in plain(er) English for this accountant?
I was interested in understanding how the brain figures out how to move the muscles of the arms for coordinated reaching movements, like scratching an itch on your left elbow with your right hand. I wrote a computer program that simulates a "robot" that does coordinated reaching movements. This simulated "robot" really isn't a good model of how the brain figures out how to do reaching movements, but it's possible to train something called a "neural network" -- a vastly oversimplified computer model of neurons in real brains -- to imitate the behavior of the simulated "robot". The neural network doesn't use the same mechanism as the simulated "robot" -- in fact, it learns to create its own mechanism, in analogy with real neurons. The majority of my dissertation involved analyzing and trying to understand the neural network's internal mechanism, and how it was similar to or different from what is known about the parts of the brain that are involved in coordinated reaching movements.
2. Besides the physical, what attributes motivates you to cuddle up to a stranger or newer acquaintance?
There are attributes that I find attractive -- gentleness of soul; being non-judgemental; a calm demeanor; a simple desire to be touched. I'm a cuddle-slut at heart, it's really a lack of negatives (and a few physical positives) that make me feel comfortable cuddling up to someone I don't know well.
3. Life is stranger than fiction, yes? Please describe one instance where your life with Cameron was like a Woody Allen, James L Brooks, or Rick Berman production.
I'm embarassed to admit I've seen almost nothing by Woody Allen or James L Brooks; Rick Berman is Mr. Latter-Day Star Trek, if it is pre-Enterprise, I've probably seen it.
This is a really hard question to answer, because the truth be told, life with Cameron wasn't strange at all. Domestic bliss is a well trodden path in literature, cinema, music, etc. Others outside our relationship may have found our pairing "strange", but we found it quite natural. Life can certainly be stranger than fiction, but with Cameron it was comfortable and familiar.
4. True or false: Everyone has embarassing moments they'd like to forget, and others they treasure? If true, describe one of each, please.
An embarassing moment I'd like to forget: At a college networking conference, I sneaked up behind a friend to surprise/tease her, which would have been fine and humorous if it had been my friend... but it was actually her twin sister, who had no clue who I was, and who kept giving me dirtier and dirtier looks the more I kept pestering her.
An embarassing moment I treasure: (This is actually one of Cameron's embarassing moments, but I'll treasure it forever.) Cameron and I were invited to his cousin John's wedding, and as Cameron and John were very close, Cameron and I got to sit at a table right in front of the bride and groom, more or less in between them and all the other guests. At the dinner, the guests (many of whom were elderly "church" ladies from various branches of the family) started playing the tap-tap-the-water-glass game, i.e. everyone would tap their water glass to get the bride and groom to kiss. The guests kept doing it over and over, like every 2 minutes, until it got annoying. At a certain point, in retaliation, John and Carol tapped their water glasses back at the guests. Before he knew what hit him, I lurched over to Cameron and gave him a nice big wet French kiss, in front of the whole reception. Cameron blushed an incredibly bright red. The stunned looks on the faces of all the old ladies were priceless. And the guests didn't bother John and Carol for the rest of the evening.
5. Where do you expect you'll be in 2, 5, and 10 years? (I original phrased this to cover only your professional life, but I'm nosy. Tell me whatever you'd like to cover.)
I'm a pessimist at heart, so the the answers are not terribly interesting. Short-term, I expect that I will still be working at Yahoo, although on a somewhat different part of the search engine than I am now. Long-term, maybe there will be another downturn in the industry, maybe I'll be laid off. If so, I don't really know what I'd do... start looking for a new tech job? Switch careers? Downsize my life into a something cheaper outside of the Bay Area?
For the past year, I honestly did not care where I would be in the future -- I did not look forward to the future, even in the long term, and I did not aspire. Even though I bought a house during this period, it did not feel like a major accomplishment... it was more perfunctory, a satisfaction of aspirations I used to have before Cameron passed away. I still feel like this about half of the time, but I am beginning to feel some interest in traveling and "retirement". I know most people would roll their eyes at that -- most people wish they could retire early -- but in my case, even that is progress. If only it were finincially possible! Outside of winding up my "professional" life and traveling more, I don't have any very well-developed aspirations. Maybe do something artistic. You have to understand, I feel old nowadays. I've already been to grad school, found a good job, bought a nice house, and had a deep and life-changing relationship with the most wonderful man in the universe. Life has played me fast, my passion is spent.
In case you didn't know, this is "The Five Questions Meme," and it's making the rounds again. Actually it's not a bad way to get to know one another better, and the rules are as follows:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| The following questions came from orange_groves.
1) What childhood aspect of yourself do you hold dear today?
The need to touch and be touched. Both Cameron and I never felt as though we got enough of that as children. In public, at square dances and such, we were often glommed onto one another. It was like that at home too, every night we'd cuddle on the couch, sometimes doing separate things (reading, chatting with others on a laptop, etc.), just as long as we were in physical contact.
2) Do you view history as linear or circular?
I used to see history as exponential -- things are always getting better, at a faster rate. It was a very optimistic perspective. Now, I see history as a divergent spiral, sometimes virtuous, lately more vicious; sometimes human experience getting better, sometimes getting worse. I'm a pessimist (even Cameron agreed!), so it's easy for me to see all the awful events of history and feel as though humanity and Earth are doomed. To counter this tendency, sometimes I try to look at the course of history and our current events from a presumed extraterrestrial perspective -- what would otherworlders think of humans, and of the state of Earth? Optimistic Sci-Fi helps in this regard -- Star Trek, Carl Sagan's Contact, Kim Stanley Robinson's Mars trilogy, etc.
3) In the majority of cases, do you prefer sex as an expression of caring or an expression of melding?
I think it is more common for me as an expression of caring; but I don't necessarily prefer it that way. Horniness aside, there is space in my heart for the sexual expression of caring that it not a complete melding. To me, melding implies such multidimensional closeless and bonding that self-identity is changed; sex may be one way in which that medling is expressed, but it really isn't the most important part. Cameron is the only person I've felt melded to.
4) How many times would you forgive someone who betrayed your trust?
I strive to be as forgiving as I possibly can. I'm not always successful. I guess my ideal would be to forgive them as many times as it took to earn their trust. But the practical side of me would probably not trust them in the future, even if I honestly felt as though I forgave them.
5) Do you see yourself every living outside of the "Bay Area"?
I could see myself living somewhere outside of the Bay Area, but I don't see myself living outside of California, at least not indefinitely. California is my home, I grew up here, went to school here, and have lived here almost my entire life. It sounds provincial even to my ears, but why would I want to live anywere else? That said, I want to do more traveling... there is so much of the world I haven't seen yet, and it's entirely possible that my thoughts and feelings will change in the future.
In case you didn't know, this is "The Five Questions Meme," and it's making the rounds again. Actually it's not a bad way to get to know one another better, and the rules are as follows:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
| | comments: 10 comments or Leave a comment |
| This is a picture of the Sonoma Coast, looking south across the mouth of the Russian River. Cameron and I used to go to the Russian River fairly often for a nice, relaxing weekend. Occasionally we would drive back along Highway 1, down the Sonoma and Marin coastlines. It's a very pretty drive.
 | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
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numb
lazy
relaxed
pessimistic